Nowadays, thanks to social media, the word frenemy usually applies to people. But I’ve been using frenemy in relation to food. Because to me, and some of my clients, that means food is both a friend and an enemy, and has been so for a very long time.
Food is your friend
First, the friend part. You need food to live, and to nourish your body and provide you with good health and enough energy to follow your dreams. And that’s the obvious and happy part of the friendship or partnership. But for myself, and countless other emotional, compulsive and/or binge eaters and food addicts, food took on another role.
When you were young, you were probably given special treats when you behaved well, and on special occasions like birthdays and holidays and when company came. You also got treats to comfort you when you felt sad. (Don’t cry little girl … here’s some ice-cream to make you feel better!) That’s not so unusual.
However, if you had a tendency to avoid your emotions, you learned to turn to food on a more frequent basis. To reward yourself. To console yourself when things did not go your way. And to banish your worries and fears. Soon, turning to food became a habit, which morphed into a need. Your body and mind started to use food as an all-purpose remedy for whatever ailed you. Food became your friend in need.
Indeed.
As this friendship with food blossomed, so did the consequences — weight gain and/or obsession with weight gain and loss. And what you should and should not eat. Some of you turned to bulimic activities to lessen the impact of your food consumption. Others just got fat, then dieted, then got even fatter.
But whether or not you experienced a weight gain from your over-reliance on food to solve (or avoid) problems, you also suffered from the shame.
The emotions you buried from overeating went unresolved, along with the accompanying negative thinking. At some point, you knew what you were doing wasn’t quite right, but you didn’t know how to fix it. And that enhanced the shame and the negative self-talk.
So some of you avoided going out with friends and family, and preferred to stay home alone and eat. Food eventually became your only friend. Always there, no matter what.
Food is your enemy
But this so-called friend had an enormous capacity for betrayal.
And that’s the enemy part. What started out as a great idea, a creative solution to the problem of difficult thoughts and feelings, ultimately became a secret shame. Some of you couldn’t stop eating once you started.
Some of you unknowingly developed an addiction to certain foods. Some of you tried to figure out what was happening, and why you stuffed food into your mouths even when you didn’t want to. And many of you tried to control your eating. You went on various diets, and succeeded for a while. Until you eventually lost control and headed back into the food, despite not wanting to.
Food is your frenemy
Your relationship with food grew into a love-hate relationship. You couldn’t live without it, or with it. Food became a frenemy. And the only way out was complicated.
If it was just a matter of putting down the food, you could do it. In fact, most of you have done it. Until you picked the food up again. If it was simply a matter of losing weight, you could also do that, as many of you have done, too many times to count.
You have a lot to learn and unlearn in order to change your love-hate relationship with food. If you’re reading this, welcome to the beginning of the beginning. Reach out for some professional help, from someone who’s been there.
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